Sex
Toys Replacement
I’ve been seeing a lot of sex toy stores everywhere. I don’t know when it got legalized but I really am seeing a lot of stalls that
offers sex toys. In fact, I checked this stall here in our neighborhood. Hey,
don’t give me that look. I’m just an innocent person who got curious of their
merchandise. LOL.
Anyway, as I entered their stall, I saw different kinds
of sex toys that I never thought existed. (I told you I’m innocent). Well, I decided to buy some of it (for
curiosity) but it turns out that the items that I wanna buy are a bit costly. I
was rattling my brain all the time as I was heading back home. I was thinking of
how to earn money just so I could buy those sex toys (as I said for curiosity
only). But as I reached home, I thought of a better plan. *light bulb*
What popped in my head? Well, if I can’t afford those sex
toys then why not use sex toys replacement? There are things that you could use
to play around with, if sex toys are out of your league. And the exciting part
is you could try using these things with a partner and take your sexual acts to
a different level instead of just constantly copying sexual positions in that iPhone apps of yours. So
let’s get started coz’ I’m excited!
·
Cucumber
Why use a cucumber? Well, you could see a lot of big and
long cucumbers and you could use it as a replacement for vibrators. It’s better
to use cucumbers than bananas coz’ bananas break or get mashed up so easily unlike
this green and thick vegetable. So tell your mom to always keep a cucumber in
your fridge. Tell her just for emergency situations.
· Banana
Well, as I mentioned above,
cucumbers are better than bananas. But a lot of girls/boys still use bananas.
Probably some people prefer its size and texture. And I think buying bananas
are less too obvious. Plus, if you’re into sucking, bananas tastes better too.
· Pie
If you’re wondering how you’re
gonna insert a pie inside that tight hole, well actually, this method is just
for boys. If you already watched the movie American
Pie (part 1), then you know what to do but if you haven’t then try
inserting your fingers in the middle of the pie ‘til you create a hole as big
as your penis. Once the hole is created, pretend you’re having sex with a girl
or a boy (whichever your preference is).
· Eggplant
No cucumber or banana available? Then what about an
eggplant? Eggplants may not taste that great, but using it as a sex toy must be
a great experience.
· Bitter
Melon
For girls who like the feeling of having sex with a DOM (Dirty
Old Man), I suggest you use a bitter melon. And hey I’m not kidding. There are really girls out there who want a penis with a texture of a bitter melon.
· Ice
cubes
Try
to experiment and use ice cubes for a cold and tingly feeling. Observe how long
it will stay inside as it melts.
·
Remote Control
Okay! So if you don’t have a
cucumber, banana or an eggplant in your household and you’re that lazy to go to
the mart or you’re really thrifty then why not just use a remote control. (Don’t
tell me you also don’t have a remote control?)
· Bottle
I understand the part where
some people can’t use remote controls coz’ some people are gonna use it and it
would be gross if you’re gonna leave it on the sofa after you played with it.
So instead, why not use a bottle. But hey, be careful. Use at your own risk!
Try a hard plastic bottle first coz’ we don’t want any bleeding pussies there,
do we?
·
Baseball
bat
If you’re into hardcore sex,
then use a baseball bat and I’m not exaggerating here. Some girls who love
experimenting with their sexuality and things uses a baseball bat. I don’t know
how they can manage to get it in, but they did. These girls who have used a
baseball bat must be adult stars now.
· Fingers/Palm
Now, if you don’t have anything of the
listed things above, the fastest and most effective way to release that heat
from your body is by using your fingers or your palm. You could use it anywhere
and anytime without any hassle, now if you still have a problem using your
fingers then I suggest you just have to live your life without a sex life!
If you used the vegetables, don’t throw it after using it as
a sex toy replacement. Grab a chopping board and a knife. Start chopping the
vegetables and serve it for dinner. Money-wise right? :D
PS:
Only Psychos will follow those
instructions!
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