Sex Toys Replacement

Sex Toys Replacement

I’ve been seeing a lot of sex toy stores everywhere. I don’t know when it got legalized but I really am seeing a lot of stalls that offers sex toys. In fact, I checked this stall here in our neighborhood. Hey, don’t give me that look. I’m just an innocent person who got curious of their merchandise. LOL.

Anyway, as I entered their stall, I saw different kinds of sex toys that I never thought existed. (I told you I’m innocent).  Well, I decided to buy some of it (for curiosity) but it turns out that the items that I wanna buy are a bit costly. I was rattling my brain all the time as I was heading back home. I was thinking of how to earn money just so I could buy those sex toys (as I said for curiosity only). But as I reached home, I thought of a better plan. *light bulb*

What popped in my head? Well, if I can’t afford those sex toys then why not use sex toys replacement? There are things that you could use to play around with, if sex toys are out of your league. And the exciting part is you could try using these things with a partner and take your sexual acts to a different level instead of just constantly copying sexual positions in that iPhone apps of yours. So let’s get started coz’ I’m excited!

     ·       Cucumber

Why use a cucumber? Well, you could see a lot of big and long cucumbers and you could use it as a replacement for vibrators. It’s better to use cucumbers than bananas coz’ bananas break or get mashed up so easily unlike this green and thick vegetable. So tell your mom to always keep a cucumber in your fridge. Tell her just for emergency situations.

     ·       Banana

Well, as I mentioned above, cucumbers are better than bananas. But a lot of girls/boys still use bananas. Probably some people prefer its size and texture. And I think buying bananas are less too obvious. Plus, if you’re into sucking, bananas tastes better too.

     ·       Pie

If you’re wondering how you’re gonna insert a pie inside that tight hole, well actually, this method is just for boys. If you already watched the movie American Pie (part 1), then you know what to do but if you haven’t then try inserting your fingers in the middle of the pie ‘til you create a hole as big as your penis. Once the hole is created, pretend you’re having sex with a girl or a boy (whichever your preference is).

     ·       Eggplant

No cucumber or banana available? Then what about an eggplant? Eggplants may not taste that great, but using it as a sex toy must be a great experience.

     ·       Bitter Melon

For girls who like the feeling of having sex with a DOM (Dirty Old Man), I suggest you use a bitter melon. And hey I’m not kidding. There are really girls out there who want a penis with a texture of a bitter melon.

     ·       Ice cubes

Try to experiment and use ice cubes for a cold and tingly feeling. Observe how long it will stay inside as it melts.

·       Remote Control

Okay! So if you don’t have a cucumber, banana or an eggplant in your household and you’re that lazy to go to the mart or you’re really thrifty then why not just use a remote control. (Don’t tell me you also don’t have a remote control?)

     

     ·       Bottle

I understand the part where some people can’t use remote controls coz’ some people are gonna use it and it would be gross if you’re gonna leave it on the sofa after you played with it. So instead, why not use a bottle. But hey, be careful. Use at your own risk! Try a hard plastic bottle first coz’ we don’t want any bleeding pussies there, do we?

     ·       Baseball bat

If you’re into hardcore sex, then use a baseball bat and I’m not exaggerating here. Some girls who love experimenting with their sexuality and things uses a baseball bat. I don’t know how they can manage to get it in, but they did. These girls who have used a baseball bat must be adult stars now.

     

     ·       Fingers/Palm

Now, if you don’t have anything of the listed things above, the fastest and most effective way to release that heat from your body is by using your fingers or your palm. You could use it anywhere and anytime without any hassle, now if you still have a problem using your fingers then I suggest you just have to live your life without a sex life!

If you used the vegetables, don’t throw it after using it as a sex toy replacement. Grab a chopping board and a knife. Start chopping the vegetables and serve it for dinner. Money-wise right? :D

PS:

Only Psychos will follow those instructions!